been a while..

I told myself I´ll try blogging once more…

This is a recap of what life was for me after D&C. 

I went on with my life convincing myself that soon ill be able to have a baby. There was not much going on until middle of last year when my Dad died. I was so devastated upon hearing the news. Until now I can´t even put to words the pain i felt that day. I was so numb, I couldn't think straight. Chris booked us a flight home right away. Fortunately there were available flights going home though  it almost costed us our arms and legs. I was so worried that financially we can´t afford it but Chris dad was there to our rescue. He gave us money for the trip. I know God has a purpose for everything. He did not give me my baby in order for me to see my Dad for the last time (which by then i would be on my 8th month of pregnancy) before coming home to Him. I don't want to imagine not seeing him before he will be put to his final resting place. Not that I traded my baby for this moment but I have faith that eventually in His time He will give me another baby. 

Going back to Germany and leaving my Mom again was the least I wanted to do. My life is here and my Mom understands. It was the hardest time of my life, to grieve for Dad and to finally accept that he will never come back again.Never.

Chris and I finally decided to TTC ( Trying to conceive) again. We have come to think that life is so short and unpredictable. There is no such thing as "not yet ready". If not now, when?

By October of 2011 I got a BFP (big fat positive) on the home PT.  I broke the news to Chris and I saw the happiness in his eyes, his smile from ear to ear. haha

But then again as it slowly sinked in, i was suddenly afraid of the possibilities that it will turn out like in the last pregnancy. My pregnancy wasn't that perfect. I had morning sickness and had spotting so i have to be in bed rest for two months. After that I´m only allowed to work 4 hours.  The last two weeks of my pregnancy was so draggy. Chris mom flew extra to meet the baby. Well my lil girl took all her time being comfortable and warm in Mama´s belly. I was a week delayed and they have to induce me. My birth story is terrible. I would not want to undergo the same in my life again. ( okay everything is still so fresh in my mind thats why im saying this). To make the long story short my lil girl was born via emergency C-section on August 5,2012. Her name is SOPHIA SHAYNE.

So that is pretty much what happened.. ill try to write again soon.